Of late I had been noticing that all the visions and dreams that I had for myself were crumbling and lay shattered all around me as if shouting out to me to pick them up and put them back together as we would do with a jigsaw puzzle. I was lost on how to go about it and reached a point wherein I began ignoring those pieces and walked over them like we walk on a doormat. I began to hurt big time. My body, mind and heart were torn apart and ego took over. My thoughts turned linear and rigidity stepped in big time.
I began crumbling losing all the inner strength that I had built on. The moment this realization dawned on me, I began my inner work and sought support from known and unknown sources. What came out of the session was an amazing revelation which is what led me to share parts of the conversation that I had with my own self.
All along since the time we are born, milestones are set for us by family and the society on what we are supposed to be achieving in our life. Whether it is money, name, fame, physical comforts or knowledge, we are pushed to keep achieving. Even being your own self was an achievement. Having bought that point of view, I abused myself and allowed my family, friends, workplace and the world to do that to me. So here I was, beating up myself for the experiences of my life which I termed as failure to weigh heavily on me and not allow me to move forward. I began to see all my capacities as a wrongness and not as a strongness. I had termed myself as a FAILURE and thoughts of not being an achiever plagued my psyche to the extent that I refused to move out of home.
One day I happen to make a choice. I told myself that I choose not to abuse myself or allow anything in my life to come to me through abuse. What led me to this choice was the blessing of finding a mentor to learn Yoga who began to have me unlearn techniques that abused my mind and body. Every class that I attended, as he would take me through the session, he would request me to stop the moment he sensed that I was abusing myself in following his instructions. He happens to be my first mentor leading me on the path of Yoga without forcing or abusing myself in the process and instead bringing in ease and support to reach the goal. He was not in a hurry and neither was I. That has made me look forward to my sessions with him.
To cut a long story short, during one of the sessions I was guided to ask myself the question – Choose Who You Are Becoming. The first answer that came up was “ACHIEVER”. As I tuned into the energies I sensed a lot of heaviness in my body and a feeling of being weighed down. The next thing that popped up was “LEADER”. As I began to tune into the energy, I began to have a conversation with the “LEADER” that showed up in me. This conversation revealed to me that just because I choose to be a leader, it does not mean I have to “ACHIEVE”. Slowly I began to ease out and I noticed that taking out the Achievement from Leadership allowed me to Lead with a lot more ease. Attaching the Achievement to Leadership, took away not only the ease but also the fun and joy of Leading. Whether it was leading your own self or others, Leading without attaching the achievement of a goal would allow a lot more lightness and space in the entire process.
So….
How does this read on you? Would you be willing to choose the lightness of living a fulfilling life without the heaviness of stuff that does not work for you? Whatever you choose, choose with your inner knowing and know that it is this inner knowing that would set you free from the shackles of what we have been conditioned to do for innumerable lifetimes.
Are you willing to Lead with Ease? Are you willing to choose leading differently?
pinkseadiving 